Escaping the Pit of Depression

What do you think of when you think of depression?

To me, it’s not just about feeling a bit sad sometimes. The phrase ‘I’m depressed’ can be free and easy to use when expressing feeling sad for some specific reason. “Isn’t it awful weather! I hate the rain... it’s depressing”. Saying things like this doesn’t necessarily mean you have depression, although you may have a negative outlook. Although these can be symptoms of depression, it’s more of a lifestyle choice. To me, depression means not being able to feel better for a longer period of time, such as 2 weeks of feeling low in mood and not being able to feel good about yourself. Not for one reason but for many reasons. Sometimes things pile up and on top of us, without us realising. There is a saying ‘The Pit of Despair’, depression is like being stuck in a pit. To me it was something I fell into and I set up camp there. I have been known to go back there because it is familiar and… almost comfortable. Certainly more comfortable than being in a state of ‘coping well’ with the challenges life brings at certain times.

How do we overcome depression? It takes time. It takes practice (like I said in my last blog post).

One of the things I have found really helpful is to keep a journal. Maybe not every day, maybe not very detailed. But I find, especially when something substantial has happened in my life, writing down the story helps me gather my thoughts on it, reflect and come to accept it. I can look at it objectively and ask myself… is what I am thinking and feeling true and/or helpful to what I want to achieve? This then helps me let go and move on from it. The information is down on paper and doesn’t need to be in my head any longer. This is especially helpful if I can’t sleep, due to an active (anxious) mind.

We can think of overcoming depression as a bit like building a house…

The Groundwork, beneath the foundation, is Attitude. Building the right mindset.

Having an ‘attitude of gratitude’, although sounding cliché, helps us remember all the thing we easily forget. It can be good to write down a list of what we are grateful for and refer back to it. We can be thankful we are in good health, we can be physically fit (or taking steps towards being so), we have roof over our head and food in our belly. Anything else we have is a bonus! We can be thankful for having a nice place to live, having nice possessions (such a car), we can be thankful for family and friends (sometimes!) and our support network. For our workplace, for the public services that are operating every day, such as the emergency services and armed forces keeping us safe. The list goes on and on and sometimes the more you think of, the more you can think of. What about oxygen? Being able to breathe is pretty good, we wouldn’t get very far without it, would we?! ‘Attitude is everything’. Being thankful can help us change our negative perspective about something. If I struggle with feeling negative about some rubbish situation, I have learned to take a step back and appreciate the positives. I find this can be very beneficial to my mental health.

The Foundation is Hope/Faith/Belief (Disclaimer: the God bit)

I think the foundation with anything we want to do is to have the belief/the hope that we can and will succeed. Without this, we won’t see the point and will never get motivated to affect change. Oh, and by the way, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Find your higher power, mine is Jesus. He said in Mark 9:23 “Everything is possible for one who believes”. He rescued me for myself and revealed himself to me. We are all sinners, as a Christian I recognise my sinful nature and know that Jesus died on the Cross as atonement for my sins. He lived without sin to be a Holy Sacrifice that was pleasing to the Father in Heaven. Jesus took the wrath and punishment that I should receive from God for me so that I can stand before the father, Holy and Blameless, because I am in Christ. I have recognised Jesus’s hand on my life, he has blessed me and I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful that my faith is absolute (which is rare). I know, more than I know I am here writing this, that Jesus is King and is worthy of Praise and Adoration. I gave my life to him and never looked back. He has done so much for me. He has healed me of addiction and many other things. You can pray that Jesus reveals himself to you. (That’s a very dangerous prayer… in a good way!) I wasn’t really brought up in a practicing Christian household, but I will leave the story of how I came to faith for another blog (or two!)

The Walls are built with Effort. Put the Effort In, Get the Effort Out

The walls are made from effort. But if you don’t believe (see foundation) there can be substantial change, you won’t be motivated to put the effort in. You only get out of something what you are prepared to put into it. Put the effort in, the effort will repay you further down the line. ‘You reap what you sow’ (Mentioned many times in the Bible) or ‘What goes around comes around’ seems to be a universal law. Putting the effort in once is no good, either, we need consistency…

The Doors – Consistency is King

The next thing is consistency. Building good routines and positive habits. I found the bestselling book ‘Atomic Habits’ quite informative on this (see bibliography below). It helps you reduce your bad habits and increase the habits you want to keep. We are designed to have structure in our life. I thrive on routine. I like to know what I will be doing each day, and I always have at least one main objective that I want to accomplish that day. It’s not the end of the world if for one reason or another I don’t get it done. I won’t beat myself up about it, you just have to ‘do what you can with what you’ve got.’ If the daily objective doesn’t get done, look at why, fix the problem and try again tomorrow.

“If you create an act, you create a habit. If you create a habit, you create a character. If you create a character, you create a destiny.”

Andre Maurios

Routine builds identity. ‘I am someone who goes to the gym’ is true for as long as you are consistent with doing that. Go, even when you are not feeling motivated, motivation is fleeting… it comes and goes. Self-discipline is what sustains consistency. Do it because it’s what need to be done, even when you don’t feel like it. By the end you will be back into feeling good about it. Feelings catch up with actions. Sometimes the hardest thing about going for a run is putting your running shoes on. Once they are on, you are committed and you follow through. The short term pain is worth the long term gain. See below: ‘Good’ by Jocko Willink

The Windows are Community

Surround yourself with those on the same mission as you. Don’t have time for people that drag you down, insult you, or don’t believe in you. If you feel bad after seeing them, it’s time to change your friendship circle so that you don’t head downhill like them. ‘The best way to have a friend, is to be a friend.’ Meaning treat people as you wish to be treated. If your community needs expanding, find a church and get involved in serving and going to a mid-week group to pray, read and be in fellowship with other people. If church isn’t for you (or even if it is) find a hobby that you can do with others, it could be a walking group, a running club, martial arts, book club, games club, etc. By doing something, we don’t become stagnant and stationary. Even if you’re not sure you will like something, doing something is better than doing nothing. By going in the direction of a club, you will gain experience of it and if you find it’s not for you, you can pivot and change direction and do something else. If you do nothing, you get no-where, whereas if you do something, you are moving and can change direction at any point. If you don’t feel like going out, remember actions lead to feelings. Going and doing some form of exercise will enhance your mood and help you feel better, even if you’re not motivated to do it at the start.

The Roof Is Empowerment in Pain

I have a saying that ‘Nobody kicks a dead dog’, meaning, if you’re receiving a beating (metaphorically) you must have some life left in you to feel the pain of it. Use that pain to move forward. Don’t complain about it, that won’t help anything. Use it as fuel to reach your goals. If you have difficult emotions, don’t let them control you, you control your emotions. If you feel angry, use that feeling to do something positive to affect some kind of positive change in your life. Focus on things you can control (Such as exercise). If you can’t control something that is enraging you, use that energy to do something that you can control, such as your environment. Clean and tidy your living space. This will be practical and help you feel better. There will be a rewarding sense of achievement in looking back on what you have done and how you have used that energy positively. And that might help you feel better.

There is a saying, ‘No Man is an Island’ meaning we are not meant to face life alone. God is always with us, and can work wonders. But God also works through people. Choose the right people to be vulnerable with. I’m sure your friends would rather answer your phone call and listen to what you are struggling with, than to be at your funeral. There is always an escape from feeling suicidal. Usually we feel this way because our perspective has been skewed, our thoughts become out of proportion with reality. We need others to help us out. Don’t give in to suicidal thoughts, because there is always a better way to move towards life and away from death.

The Guttering is Humour.

Let that rain just run off you. Unless you have been through enough, you might not get to the point where you just have to laugh at the ridiculousness of how difficult things are. We can be so upset about something that, in the scheme of things, isn’t that important. Having a car splash a big puddle onto you might seem like the end of the world at the time… but if that’s the hardest thing you have had to deal with so far in life, you are lucky! You might have no idea how much more difficult life can get. Military folk have a dark sense of humour, because they are conditioned to cope with the extreme circumstances of war. Laughter can break the intensity of a difficult situation. If you can get to the point where you can make light of something that might have happened in the past, you go a long way to getting over it. Holding on to the past, obsessing over the unfairness of life events won’t change anything. The thing that will help you get over it is changing your perspective. And this can be done with laughter. Suddenly seeing the funny side can diffuse the potential explosion and mess of being overwhelmed by trauma. Some people won’t be able to do this, and that’s ok. Maybe one day you will (which leads us back to hope/faith). It’s great if you take every opportunity to laugh and develop a sense of humour. I learned a lot from old comedy shows like ‘Only Fools and Horses’ and ‘Men Behaving Badly’ when I was growing up. Laughter is the best medicine and can make you feel better. Don’t take yourself too seriously, either. If you can laugh at yourself, in an endearing way, you are actually demonstrating strength of character, not weakness. Laugh at your friends and family too, if appropriate. I like a bit of banter, but, as God looks at the heart, I also look at what the heart is behind someone taking the mick out of me. If its endearing and loving, that’s cool. If there is malice and disdain behind it, I give them a wide berth.

If you want more guidance about this, feel free to message me – mentalhealthadventuresuk@gmail.com and I can try and help you move forward. If you have questions about faith or steps forward, let me know.